I got this idea of doing weekly updates on my blog, just talking about things that happened during the week, after being inspired by oh my little girl's post, and princessmei's youtube video. I already do Minae's Life which is basically the same thing, I'm just changing the style of how I do it lol. Actually, I just wanted to have a genuine chat with you guys, about how I'm doing, and maybe tell a story or two? Anyway, I hope you enjoy this little chit chat.
The clouds where beautiful that day, i took this on the last day of college before half term began.
This week has been filled with love. That's expected though, because it was Valentines Day. I had actually planned multiple posts for the event, but was run down with the flu throughout last week, and didn't have the time to write them up. Lucky me ha. I spent most of the week trying to complete art projects and resting whenever I could. I took it upon myself to create a few spreads for my bullet journal, since it helps me relax and gather myself for the upcoming weeks.
But lets get back onto the main topic of this post. Love, and Valentines Day, and Heartbreak. Yes, those are the main topics of today's blog. Valentines day has always been a bittersweet time of the year for me. It's the time where I see my single friends get hitched. It's the time where I watch my other single friends try to deny their discontent with not getting laid by a handsome lad for yet another year in a row. It's the time where I listen to mother complain about how my father always gets it wrong while he says "I thought you liked these?!".
I remember my "first" valentines day. Well, the first of which i knew what the event was for. I was 9? Maybe 10. I was in year 5, second to last year of Primary School (or Elementary School for you non UK readers). I had a huge crush on this kid in the year above mine. Let's call him S. He was so cute. Made my heart skip every time I noticed him. My friends at the time had known I was oh so desperately in love with him, and took it upon themselves to write him a note in my name, confessing my undying love for him, despite me telling them multiple times not to tell him. They handed it to him during lunch time, and told me what they had done only after the note had left their fingers. I was an emotional kid, confrontation wasn't my thing. I was hurt. We pinky swore. And so, I watched in horror as he read it out loud to his friends, and then come up to me, telling me that I was too ugly for him. He walked off with his friends, laughing. I stood there, not really knowing what to do. I saw my friends laughing too, so I laughed with them. It was funny right? Being humiliated in the school playground like that. Being the talk of the class group chat for the rest of the week before Jimmy got sent to the wall for swearing the next week.
I skipped class after lunch. Hid in the girls toilets for a while. Just thinking about how my life was over and how I would now have to change schools. I heard my name being called out a few times. Thinking it was a teacher, I came out of the cubicle, only to find this kid, let's call him L, standing outside the toilets. He was from the other class (in my school, we had two classes for each year group). I recognized him as S's cousin. Suddenly I was in defensive mode, telling him to go away or else I would tell the teachers he went into the girls toilets (which was obviously a lie). I remember that moment so clearly, when he said "I just wanted to see if you were okay", and I just broke down in tears. He tried to console me, and it helped, it really did. I actually felt better. We were eventually caught by a teacher. She was Chinese, we called her Ms Liu. She was the kind of teacher who could read the situation and role with it, and so she told both teachers of mine and L's class that we were going to do some reading with her in her room. We were excused.
The rest of the day was filled with laughter. At the end of it, me and L exchanged msn usernames, and we soon became friends until one day where we had a fight and just stopped talking. Just like that. Somewhere down the line, despite not talking to him, I had developed a crush on him, but I never bothered to say anything, probably in fear of what happened with his cousin? I don't know. It was a few months later that I finally spoke to him again, on the last day of primary school. Before we all parted ways and went to different secondary schools (aka junior/high school). He was actually the one who approached me, asking me to sign his shirt, and for him to sign mine. It was awkward, funny, and it hurt a little, but I was happy. We knew we probably wouldn't see each other again, and we haven't. It's been, 8 years since then? I wonder, if he still remembers me, or how he saved me from what felt like genuine despair at the time. I still have him on Facebook. Some of his friends messaged me saying that he had a crush on me as well, and as happy as it made me, I didn't push further. New school, new me, right? Hahaha.
And so, 8 years later. I finished secondary, about to finish college and will hopefully be entering uni later on this year. How has my love life developed since this moment? Not much. That's not to say there hasn't been any chances that have come my way. There has been many advances from guys and girls, both romantically and sexually, yet none of them have worked out long enough to call them anything like a relationship. As for right now? I do like someone.
Let's call him....R? no.. T. Let's call him T. Some random facts about him. He's 2 years older than me. He's from a place very close to home, and frequents a place where I make my money. He's got soft hair, and he's really awkward. He's really sweet, and makes kind gestures towards me without realizing how much that makes my heart race. He teases me too. But the smile he gives me right after makes me unable to be angry at him. I spent valentines day with him this year. Unintentionally, mind you. We did nothing romantic, and we didn't see each other much, but it was fun, because he was there. Whether something will come out of this one? Who knows. I'll keep you guys posted.
Writing this post has made me feel....I don't know, lighter? I feel like I've lost some weight. I'm currently content with how my love life is going. Being single isn't the end of the world as some like to believe, and I myself am still trying to unlearn this. Before being in love with someone, i need to learn how to be in love with myself first, so that when the time comes for me to be in a real relationship, I am at a place where I feel comfortable enough to be myself. I think that's the main goal here. So even if you don't have a valentine, be your own valentine. For the rest of this week, take some time out to love yourself. Have a nice relaxing bath with your favorite bath bomb. Engross yourself in a new book or discover a new show to binge. Eat some chocolate. Go for a jog. Pet your pet. Do whatever makes you happy this weekend.
When you learn to love yourself, love will come to you.
I've just finished drinking my green tea, and I'm about to switch off the lights and watch some Youtube videos before heading to bed. I hope you guys enjoyed this long post of my basically rambling. I've got lots of posts scheduled for the next few weeks since I'll be in Milan, and working on my project for most of march, so please look forward to it!
How is Valentines day for you? Sweetly romantic or hella corny? Please let me know if you like these kinds of posts in the comment section below. ♥
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